live a long happy life
never commit a crime or do time in jail
raise good kids
have a couple of grand kids
be the ultimate grandma
never be a fat old lady
feel loved and love
go on vacation (when you live in Alaska, its a goal)
and to never stop creating
My determination and drive in life is low. Who has time to be uber productive. I'M still trying to finish folding laundry from two weeks ago.
And to look at me, I'm average in every way. Again, totally okay with it.
So whats the point of this blog? MY EXTRAORDINARY GOAL!
Some time last summer, i was in Safeway with a friend. I hate Safeway but that's another story that's really not that exciting. Behind us was someone I wanted to be. Now, I don't know if anyone else does this. Your someplace and someone walks by and you think to yourself "man, id love to be that person in ten years". Well I do. Only a few people have managed to receive the honor of the future me. Even though I'm ordinary, I totally ROCK!
So what did she look like? I know your on pins and needles waiting with baited breath.
She was older, a bit taller. She had short brown hair. Way shorter than id ever wear mine. Earrings up both sides of her ears, but no pairs, just total randomness. She was tan, but it was natural, like she had been out in her garden, or maybe in a cottage by the ocean. She wore funky linen pants and a t shirt with a comfy sweater and leather sandals. Tattoos on her wrist and a mix of bracelets, leather and metal. She even had a couple of chunky rings. She looked completely and totally at ease. She was who she was meant to be. What makes her so special? Why do i want to be her? She fits into the me I secretly want to be. She fits into my retirement dream.
I don't know if i could actually call it a dream. Maybe an idea or a mirage would work better. I want something that feels out of my grasp. Like saying you want a different shoe size. It cant happen.
Of course, I could start dressing like that ( I kinda do, but not as cool). Get my ears pierced alot and buy mismatched earrings. But that image is only a small part of this mirage.
In the bigger picture, my secret me lives someplace totally awesome. I want a wear house, firehouse, old church, or school. I want to renovate it with polished cement floors and colorful rugs. Knock down walls, and open it up. I want lots and lots windows that face some kind of water. Lake, river, ocean, stream. Don't care, it just needs water. I want exposed bricks and a dum waiter. I want my favorite pieces of art on the wall. An old table with mismatched stained chairs, the smell of freshly baked cookies wafting out of my open kitchen (okay, that part isn't that hard). I see warmth and love and easiness. Red appliances. Maybe a chalkboard covered fridge. And i have to have an old time phone booth. What I'm going to do with it, I couldn't tell you. I just want one. And the most important part is my room. In the back somewhere, surrounded by windows is the room where i create.
It will be a room that is completely white. Floor to ceiling. It will have a sink that I don't care about staining. And furniture that will be covered in paint splatters. Because I'm a messy painter. I will have a special place for all by brushes and paints. A book shelf for my sketchbooks and swipe files. I will have canvas's lined up against a wall and covered with a drop cloth (because i cant get paint on them if they are waiting patiently to be used). Ill have my potters wheel in a corner. And I will have a door that leads out onto the balcony where I can paint in the sun and smell the air. Where I can feel the water and loose myself in the me that I truly long to be.
Of course, it could happen one day. I'm only 34. But right now, extraordinary will have to wait. The ordinary is here to stay for a while. But its nice to close my eyes and taste the salt air.
Here's to renovated buildings, tattoos and imagining the secret you. Here's to the future
LOVE
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